The big C

We have people in our lives that we like to inmortalize. People who we deny ourselves one day will not be with us. People, who we love so much, that we like to think they are our angels on earth. 

That person for us, is our Mimi, my mom. Recently she got diagnosed with colon cancer. That sucks. Of course we have not told the kids, because, well… we still don’t know how. Maybe after her first surgery? Maybe if she gets chemo when her hair falls off? Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I started to write this post and left it on stand by… couldn’t keep writing without losing sight because of the tears. But here we are today.

As i write this, i’m sitting by her bed watching her rest. She’s a trooper. I mean… if i told you what they did, well… first you wouldn’t finish reading my post, and second, you would not believe me if i told you she’s gotten up. She tries to walk. She’s being WONDER WOMAN!

Dear cancer:

FUCK YOU!!! We’ve met a couple of times now in this lifetime, but not yet. This will not be another victory on your side! #TeamMIMI is strong as hell and we are all lifting two middle fingers up!

Dear Mimi:

You are a WARRIOR! And you are not alone… we are all #TeamMIMI and we will beat this! We love you more than words can express!

Til next time!

Advertisements

Worst.Mom.Ever

I know i’ve been missing for quite a while, but i’ve been trying to do my thang out there, and OMG it’s exhausting. I bark around all day! Has it happened to you?

Quick updating for all: Lucas is a full blown toddler and Lola a threenager. Geez!


But getting to the worst mom part, here goes nothing:

Sick kiddos+ pulled mommy back+ lack of sleep= the worst mom ever.  Or at least that is how i feel today. You know those days, right? Today i yelled at both, then cried myself, apologized to them, and sucked it up and carried on. But the sucky feeling just doesn’t go away. It’s almost 10 o’clock here, and i still feel like crap.

Then, i look back and remind myself that it’s ok to feel crappy. It’s ok to have “bad” days. It’s ok to break down. None of this makes me a bad mother. It just makes me human. 

I’ve been finding myself with a “shorter” patience this last days. But it’s mainly because i’m sleep deprived. I really don’t function properly without enough sleep. I am such a cranky person, even i don’t like myself. And you know what the worst part is? It’s like a vicious cycle! When i’m negative, the kids are negative, so i feel negative, and so on, and so on…

A bit exhausting… so yeah. We all have crappy days. But NEVER EVER forget that makes you a bad person, ok? At the end of the day, we are all humans, and it is perfectly NORMAL! #SelfLove people… self love!

‘Til next time!

Absence equals presence

I write to exteriorize my thoughts and give myself some peace of mind. What i get in return is a community willing to share their experiences with me and grow together.

My recent lack of writing is because i have wanted to be a present, active mom. I mean, getting involved, doing everything i can with both of my babes. Try to be a better wife. And all in all… Seems my time managing is not my best quality! Ha ha ha! But boy oh boy! I am so enjoying this.

We are one month away of Lucas turning one. PLEASE… Someone… ANYONE! Stop the damn clock! It hurts me so my babies are growing up so fast, my head keeps spinning and i can’t seem to grasp anything to make it stop. 

Being a hands-on mom seems to be an exhausting choice. But it IS my choice. Sure, i don’t get to do some things i used to, but i have alternatives. What i HAVE learned is that it is also quite good to let others help you too. Getting some alone time. Pampeting yourself. Having adult time. 

I tend to forget this and get easily caught up in my mommy duties and somehow make a routine out of it (firm believer kids -most- respond best when they have schedules). But that doesn’t mean i have to forget i am also a wife, a sister, a friend. You know what i mean?

Well, dear friends, what i am trying to say is, that my absence from here is translated into presence at my home, and it makes me happy! But writing makes me feel happy as well 🙂

Til next time! 

1096

Nope. Not your wings. Nor your inspiration. Not your one true love. Nor the one that rescued you. It is YOU. The one that has given me the wings to fly and feel love so high that makes me feel outta this world. You, who inspires me to be the very best that i can and makes me want the best for us. You, the one that made me understand the beauty of perfection in the imperfection that we are. You, who give meaning to my life and give me strength to clean up and walk the adversities off, for with YOU, my sweet child, You, Lola, i can do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. 

Happiest of birthdays, my sweet Princess! ❤️


Til next time!

Why do we insist on shaming parents?

I mean, really! We are all so quick to judge as of why do others do this in this particular way or other? Even worse? We shame ourselves for the “mistakes” we stumble across our parenting journey.

Let me tell you, people. Being a parent is the most rewarding job you’ll ever have! But it is also a very difficult and demanding one. We do not come to this world knowing what to do. It is a JOURNEY. Something we learn from each and every day that goes along. 

Sure, we all make mistakes. But we are humans. We do what we think is best. We also have time to think of how we are approaching certain issues as parents. So do take your time. And ask yourself “is this how i would have liked being treated?”

When i was a teen, i started a notebook with all the don’ts  i thought were not appropriate and also wrote down ways to be more positive to approach. It has taught me once again.

I grew up in a “violent” household. And swore never to lift a finger against my children. Today. Today. Today. Today, Lola brought me to a breaking point and i spanked her. It has been building up with immeasurable tantrums and lots of sleep deprivation due to Influenza AH1N1 here. And that is not an excuse.

Can’t tell you how many sorries have come out of my mouth since then. All the tears shed. But you know what? Even though it is not an excuse, it is a learning moment.

All parents have to deal with a daily juggling act and hold themselves up as well. We do NOT know what have they dealt with before. And please, do not take this as a permissive action. But please do stop shaming others. None of us are perfect. We are all humans learning daily how to become the best version of ourselves.

So with this, i ask: love yourselves to be able to take care of others. And don’t jump to conclussions before you have tried others’ shoes on. 

Til next time!

Oh my…

How life has changed. It is not that i’m a different person. I’m still me. I still like a good wine, loud rock music, fashion, and tattoos. But somehow, it’s not the same. And it is totally fine by me. I love my job. 

First, it was Mack and Sammy. My English bully boy and chi girl. Then, unexpectedly, Lola. Swearing by the stars it wouldn’t happen again, it did. And now, it’s also Lucas.

Yep, my “social” life is kinda null at the moment. But it’s totally fine by me. This all goes by so darn fast, that i truly do not care. My true friends will understand. The people that truly love us will stick by. And as time goes by, i begin to understand and appreciate the little things that this job involves.

I’ll get my wine soon enough. I can teach the kids about music. Lola loves clothes and gets excited as much as i do. And as all this happens, i can bask in this sweet sunlight and enjoy it. Just. A. Little. Longer.

Yep, motherhood… It has not changed who i am. It has improved myself. It has taught me new learning techniques. It has shown me new limits. And above all, motherhood has taught me immeasurable love. 

❤️

Til next time!

A very special thank you

Yes, you. Thank you fellow mamma for giving me the gift and opportunity of having my baby remain exclusively breastfed. For giving me the opportunity of keeping this journey ongoing and close to my being. For filling my heart with peace and hope.

Dear outstanding mommy, what a beautiful heart you have… Thank you for sharing with us a little bit of it! ❤️ 

(Open letter to thank the two AWESOME women who understand who i am, and without hesitation, jumped right away to heal my heart and donate their breastmilk for Lucas)

Til next time!